He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
