HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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