I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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