Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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