Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
