what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
