How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
