so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
