he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
