Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
