Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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