When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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