how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
