I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
