I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
