im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
