you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
