I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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