Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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