i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
