Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
