a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
