I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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