so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
