This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
