my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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