i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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