I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
