She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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