I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
