put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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