you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
