What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
