i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
