I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She's not a foreskin expert like you
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
