five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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