i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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