I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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