I just saw a hot homeless man
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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