i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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