Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
