See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I just googled if crying burns calories
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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