i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Randomize
