we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
