Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
