I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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