Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
