so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
