I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
now i know why i became what i already was.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
