If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Houston, we have a squirter
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Randomize
