On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
