Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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